Sunday, August 25, 2013

Being honest and vulnerable..

Fed up! Yes, that is me right now.  Flat out tired.  Need God to show up in a big way.  These last 5 years have been the most difficult years of my life.  I never would have thought after asking God to come in my life and change me would mean sickness, disease, my children's life at risks, surgeries, more surgeries, financial strife, emotional mountains, battle after battle.  On top of it not feeling like you belong anywhere makes a girl have a melt down. Facebook is my enemy.  Especially when you see all that you have been praying for happening to everyone around you and nothing for you.  How to handle that? How do you handle feeling like God doesn't love you because you are drowning.  But, something inside you keeps fighting.  Thank you Jesus for your Holy Spirit because I know if I didn't have him in me I would be long gone back in the world.  I am not gonna give up this fight.  Even if it is only a still small part that is fighting I am gonna hope and pray for the promises I declare everyday. I open my eyes every morning praying that this will be the day and I will do it again tomorrow. God never breaks His promises so I keep holding on even if it is by thread.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you not harm you plans for a hope and a future declares the Lord.

Father, there are times when we feel completely beat down and we know you understand our pain.  You took every blow we have had and laid it on the cross.  Thank you for holding every tear I have cried and thank you for having a plan in my life. Helping me to hold unto you when I feel like letting go.


  1. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ~ Galatians 6:9

    God never seems to move when we feel like we are at our wits end. I think it's about that whole endurance produces patience which produces character thing. :-) But, he always moves right on time. I understand how you feel. I've been there. This place where He has us right now can be a lonely place, but He's grown me more here than ever before. Hang in there! I'll be praying for you. And, if we lived closer I'd totally come over and we'd have coffee. ;-)

    1. Thanks Pam and I would love that if we could do coffee:) Your words were encouraging and the verse is great that gave me. I will be holding unto that.