Thursday, October 24, 2013

A Heart Surrendered to Christ

I remember standing in worship, praising God and feeling as though I was reaching all the way to heaven.  I whispered the words with my whole heart and no fear, "Use me God, break me"......

Fast forward some months later to where I find out that I am pregnant with our 3 child.  The first trimester was like most.  I was horribly sick, incredibly moody, cry at anything but nothing major. Around 16 weeks I began spotting, which then turned into multiple trips to the ER.  During a doctor follow up we found out my amniotic fluid was a little low so I was put on restrictions. Then at 18 weeks we found it had dropped again, in the danger zone.  I couldn't breathe, every minute of the day I was consumed with what was going on.  Go home and wait they would tell us.  At 20 weeks my water broke fully, again go home and wait, there is nothing we can do. This all landed me in the hospital at 23 weeks pregnant very sick and our son fighting for his life. Every night I would read Psalms 91 and pray it as a personal prayer, as well as Deuteronomy 28:1-14.  One particular night I felt God said to me, "I am not first in your life".  Honestly at first it shocked me.  I started listing all the things that I was doing trying to prove Him that he was.(Pharisee, Hello)  Until that moment when I finally got what he was saying.  I wanted my son more then I wanted Him.  I wanted to have a normal pregnancy. To be home with my other 2 boys and husband. Have a normal life. Why me God?   At that moment he broke me.  In the most loving and amazing way , and I remembered that time in worship service.  I had things completely out of order, but didn't really know it.  To know that I didn't fully love God like he wanted broke my heart.  I cried for awhile healing tears and surrendered my heart fully.  He gave me this vision of a gigantic wooden rocking chair with Him sitting in it.  Me on His lap,my head on his shoulder just rocking. Letting me know it was okay and he has holding me.  It was a moment I will never forget and as I am writing this I can still visualize so clearly.

From 23 weeks to 28 weeks I amazed the doctors with having less then 2 percent amniotic fluid and at times it got down to less then 1 percent.  I would tell myself, "Ok, if God was in a fiery furnace with Shadrach, Mesach and Abendego (I am positive I spelled those incorrectly)  he very well can be inside a uterus with no fluid.  January 16, 2011 I was rushed to the delivery room for a placenta abruption.  The last thing that was told to me before putting me under was "There is a chance your son will  not be alive".  I remember having the sensation to scream NO as loud as I could but I couldn't.  Nothing was coming out it was like a dream that you can't move in. Your trying so hard but can't do anything.

I awoke to hear our beautiful son, Elijah Patton, was born at 28 weeks ALIVE!!!! He endured, survived and conquered everything that was thrown at him.  It was the most difficult experience I have endured and will never forget.  I can't even list all that transpired and what we went through.  The doctors called him their "Champion". That he was and then some.  He is 2 1/2 years old now and full of life, personality and tons of energy.

Father, thank you for your miracle working power. You are the same today as you were before. You do perform miracles. When the world is telling you all is lost it isn't going to happen you show up in a mighty way.  I give you all the glory and praise, Amen.



2 comments:

  1. Wow. How awesome. If He could be in the fire He could be in a uterus with no fluid... and He can be with us. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
    Lauren, P31 OBS Blog hop team

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  2. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

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