Every night my boys get tucked in for bed, my youngest Elijah asks me to sing him a song. It is either Jesus Loves Me, This little light of mine, 10,000 Reasons, or Future/Past by John Mark McMillian. I love sending him off to sleep with those songs in his heart and mind. I may not be the perfect mom, but in my heart I am trying to raise my boys as God wants me to. Teaching them the power of prayer, praise, walking in faith and being an example. Do I get it right all of the time? Not even close. I battle within myself to not "mess up my kids". So concerned about doing it wrong and them having hardship later on. Not to wound them in their hearts. I have so many wounds in my own that I am overprotecting them and placing to much pressure on myself to be the "perfect parent". I know there is no such thing as a perfect parent but I struggle with perfection daily. That "perfectionism" transfers over to almost everything I do and stress about it when I screw up. "Your a screw up" goes off in my mind, "Your kids are gonna have the same issues you have"...Stupid LIES!!! I am not perfect, no where even close to it. Thankfully, I have a gracious God that loves me no matter what, and I need to extend that same grace to myself. For those days when the daily activites, homeschooling, cleaning, entertaining, disciplining, be a wife, a mom, a daughter, a cook, etc...those days when I react to something with emotion and not thinking about it, ugh...But you see, that is where God picks me up because in my weakness He gives me strength. In my sin, he gives me grace and in my confession He gives me Freedom! He died for me, He forgives me, and He loves me for the bible tells me so.
Oh sweet Jesus, thank you for your grace. Thank you for forgiving me and I pray you help me to forgive myself. To not strive to be perfect, and have that pressure consuming me. I ask you take that as I lay down the lie of perfectionism to be loved. You see my heart and I pray you heal my heart. Help me to see what things I need to lay down so I can be free. I sit at the foot of the cross in awe of your love for me. Thank you Father.