Thursday, April 2, 2015
My Easter, The story I don't want to tell...
You know those stories that you never want to tell? Well, this is one of them for me..
Now, we have wanted a dog here in our home for quite some time. Last year around this time we saw a dog at an adotpion event and fell in love with her. Her name was "Pinkie", which was perfect for me, because I wanted some pink in my life being I have three boys. We agreed to adopt her and the only time available to pick her up was Easter morning. Instead of saying, No, that will not work for us and honor God by going to church, we said ok. I tried to convince myself it was ok we were not going to church. Being I spend time with Him every day. Sing to Him, pray to Him. It was ok, right? All the way there that morning I kept thinking we need to turn around and go to church in our jeans and sweatshirts. Then, I would go back to justifying our actions. I am doing all of this internally and then looking back at my boys. Knowingly not doing the right thing, ugh. We still went ahead and picked her up. Within 24 hours of having her here I was having horrible breathing attacks. So much so I had to take my sons asthma meds while standing outside on the porch. I never reacted to dogs that way before. Never! It got so severe that the next morning my husband ended up taking her back to the animal shelter where we got her from. I cried for like a week. It was terrible, like I was in mourning. I know now that, that was my spirit mourning as well as my flesh being broken.
This brings us up to speed to this Easter. Earlier this past week God reminded me of last years events. He gently spoke to my heart and my wrong doings (which I buried in pride and shame). Right there putting my laundry away I knew I need to ask Him to forgive me. To forgive me of putting getting a dog in place of honoring Him at church. My place was there, He has me there for a purpose. I displayed the incorrect way to my kids of not putting God first, and in that situation my flesh won. No wonder He allowed the allergic reaction to occur because I opened the door with my desire not His. So,this Easter my heart is tender towards the cross. I know it might sound a bit silly because of a dog. He can use something as simple as that.
I can't wait this year to get to my church, and lift up my voice in praising Him. To sing out to Him with all my soul and heart. To praise Him without self inhibitions holding me back in front of others. To be in His presence, my heart tender for His touch. Knowing He loves me even in my not so smart decisions. He loves me the same, whether I messed up or not. I am so thankful for Him. For His grace and mercy. For the whips He took for me. For the rejection and the shame He endured for me. To get on my knees and lay at His feet. My desire is to look to Him to fill all of those lonely places in my heart. To look to Him for comfort. Not a pet, food, buying a new purse, or affirmations from others. Looking soley to Him, content in what I have in who I am in Him. My Saviour, My Jesus, My first and all! There is no other name, Jesus!
Celebrate this Easter like you never have before. He loves you right where you are and He has amazing things for you, when you keep Him first.
....Maybe one day He will allow us to have a dog, but if not I am content in that answer too...